Tales from an Almost-Murderer

She lived only through sheer luck,
Not because I messed it up
Not because I wasn't strong enough,
And certainly not because I changed my mind.
I wanted her dead,
And I fulfilled my end of the bargain.

You see,
I set it all up in advance,
Because time is the number one killer in humans.
Yes, you will all die with time.

I prepaid a hitman.
I gave him my blood in an oxygen tank
Worth millions
To meet me at my home.
Specifically,
In the shower.

I told him he need only bring one thing -
Scrap metal,
Which I paid him for in excess with an extra pint.
I told him to bring a scrap metal,
Not a knife,
Because the girl was not worth
The waste of a good knife.

But he never showed.

I had already paid,
I was empty,
And the body was ready to be finished.
I went to the meeting,
Done, Naked, Ready,
To be stood up
For what should have been the last time.

I needed not turn the shower on;
The water streaming was scalding enough
To the cheeks forever burnt
With lies and broken promises.

Why, you might ask,
Do I consider this attempt a murder?

I was already gone.  
I was no longer there.
There was nothing in the body -
The soulless, bloodless skin.

The body fell
To its knobby knees
And wept her life away
In suicide.